Fred's Story
by Victoria M
Summary: Napoleon and Illya are required to infiltrate a meeting of Thrush financiers taking place under cover of a fox hunt.


**Fred's Story**

1.

"Can you ride, Mr Solo?"

"Ride, Mr Waverly? I can't say it's - ah - my favourite activity -"

"Never mind, I daresay you can contrive to have an accident - sprain your ankle or something - shortly after you arrive. That will provide you with an excuse not to take part in the hunt."

"Hunt, sir?"

"Yes, Mr Solo, hunt. Have you not read any of the briefing?"

"Well, I have only just stepped off the plane from Tokyo, sir, so I'm a little behind on paperwork."

"Oh? And yet Mr Kuryakin has managed to find the time to acquaint himself with the major facts. Lord Dunsanay is convening a meeting of major Thrush financiers under cover of his annual fox hunt. We suspect he may be trying to raise funds for a specific project, so we need a man on the inside to find out exactly what that project is. That will be you, Mr Solo."

"_I_ can ride, sir,"

"Yes, white chargers for preference. And in fancy dress. Don't you think T.E. Lawrence might be a little _noticeable_ in the English countryside, Illya?"

"I'm well aware that you can ride, Mr Kuryakin, but in this instance we need someone to impersonate a wealthy capitalist, someone who can rub shoulders with the aristocracy."

"Without rubbing them up the wrong way."

"Quite so. Someone with _diplomatic_ skills. However, you will be accompanying Mr Solo as stable hand. That is a role where experience with horses is essential."

"And you'll be mixing with your kind of people. The working classes, salt of the earth. I wonder, how does one address one's stable boy?"

"You do know, Napoleon, that you will be first against the wall when the revolution comes?"

"Ahem, if I might have your attention, gentlemen? Thank you. In answer to your question, Mr Solo, one uses the surname only. In this case, Suggs. And you, Mr Solo, will assume the guise of George King, an American millionaire looking to expand his investment portfolio and keen to, er, "suck up" to the European noble families. Here are the details. Mr Kuryakin, you will be in charge of - let me see - ah yes, three horses. Good lord, who would have thought a hunter would be so expensive? Still, at least even you gentlemen can hardly crash a horse. Take the files, study them, and then get yourselves kitted out. The flight leaves at 10am tomorrow."

2.

"Gee, what a cute old place!" said George King admiringly. "I bet it's at least a hundred years old! Right, Eddy?"

Edward, Lord Dunsanay pursed his lips in a polite smile. "This part is approximately 350 years old," he said, "Although the façade is Georgian. But the chapel and parts of the kitchens are 15th century."

"You got all the mod cons, though? There's no way I'm taking a cold shower. And what about the stables? They'd better not be drafty, those are valuable animals I'm putting in there."

"There is hot and cold running water in all the bath tubs," said Dunsanay tightly. "And I can assure you that the stables are in optimal condition. The English have centuries of experience in equestrian matters."

"Of course you do," said King easily, apparently unaware that he'd just delivered a mortal insult. "That's why I'm here, to experience a real old traditional English fox hunt. Suggs, take the beasties round to their boxes, will you?"

"The stableyard is behind the New Wing," said Dunsanay, "Phillips here will show you the way."

"Bet this place cost you a pretty packet, huh?" said King, as the horse box drove off.

"Sotherton Manor has been in my family for twelve generations," replied his Lordship through gritted teeth. "I have no idea of the retail value."

"So you're not thinking of selling it, then?" King laughed immoderately at his own joke. "Shame, I'd like a place like this. Let me know if you fall on hard times, Eddy."

It was a source of some satisfaction to Lord Dunsanay when Mr King tripped on his way up the Tudor staircase and gave his ankle a nasty sprain. He was nonetheless glad that, in spite of the disappointment to his fox hunting hopes, the man did not immediately pack his bags and leave. No-one knows better than the aristocracy the crucial importance of keeping in with the money, however vulgar its current owner.

3.

I am ritng this down because mr waverly asked me to on account of the IN THE FILED ASESMENT OF PERFORMANCE and he said I should make it as detaled as possible so here goes. My name is fred jones and I work as a stable boy at lord Dunsanays yard or at least I did until the evnets what I am about to relate happened. So on the first day when the events started Mr bennett who is head of the yard told me to go round the stables and help unload the new horses what had just arrived for the hunt. So I did. There was 3 horses and they belonged to mr King. 2 of them was hunters and 1 was a hack but the most important one was Jupiters Moon so I will describe him. He stands 16.2 hands and is bay and has a lovely confermation and a lively temperment. Mr Suggs was unloding him first. Mr Suggs was Mr kings groom.

Mr Suggs was a quiet bloke. He dint say much but he got on well with the other stable lads and he was good with horses. Mr King was a flash git, pardon me, but mr waverly said I should rite down things as i saw them. He was one of those americans what waves money around and acts like hes better than you but its my belief he dint know much about horses because he never come down to the stable yard to see how they was settling in. The other lads dint like him much either. We called him His Maj on account of how he was called King George and wanted to be a nob. He tripped down the stairs the day he arrived and couldnt ride in the hunt so mr suggs had to exersise the horses. He saw how I was looking at Jupiters Moon and asked me if I wanted to ride him. I said Not half but what will Mr King say and he said Not to worry hes not that interetsed in horses anyway. I said Why did he come to the hunt then, is he here on busness and he said What kind of busness and i said All the gentlemen talk busness all the time when their here, and he said Yes probably. So I got to ride Jupiters Moon and he was brillaint, the best horse Ive been on.

4.

My dear Elizabeth,

Here we are at Teddy Dunsanay's, and I must say it looks as if we shall have the most splendid weather for the hunt. The mornings are foggy with just a hint of a frost, but they clear up into the most sparkling days you can imagine, and the air is crisp and clear and not at all muggy. I am _so_ looking forward to it. The weather, however, is not why I'm writing. As you know, Elizabeth dear, I always have your best interests at heart, so I'm sure you won't take it amiss if I drop you a delicate hint that you should send Carolyn down for a few days to join the hunt. There is a new chap in the party this year, an American called George King, frightfully _nouveau riche_, in the way that these colonials are, but _riche_ nonetheless, certainly much _richer_ than Roddy Hill. Apparently he's interested in investing in one of Teddy's ventures, which of course would be splendid, but I wonder if he might not be interested in investing a little attention in Carolyn as well? Her squint is looking so much less noticeable these days, and since he's keen on moving in aristocratic circles her title might well dazzle him sufficiently that he doesn't see it at all. Teddy is having a preliminary chit-chat about funds with him this evening, so I shall let you know _instanto_ if he turns out to be less _solid_ than he appears. You might let Carolyn know that he's really rather good-looking, in a dim sort of way - not that either quality matters in a husband, of course, but the child can be rather _shallow_ about these sorts of things. Although given the repair bill you're facing for Rothwell Hall, she's really in no position to be choosy.

Your affectionate friend,

Barbara

XXX

5.

"Open Channel D. Napoleon?"

"Good evening, Illya. How's life in the servants' quarters?"

"Marginally less comfortable than in the horse boxes. How's your room?"

"Atmospheric is the word, I think. What have you been able to find out?"

"Not much. Waverly seems to be right that these hunts are a cover for business, but none of the stable lads seem to have a clue about it. I'm pretty sure Bennett, the head of the yard, is in it up to his ears, though. Any news at your end?"

"Well, Lord Dunsanay's chef was _not_trained in Paris, whatever he may claim; I don't believe he'd recognize garlic if it jumped up and bit him. And Lady Sanderson is husband-hunting on behalf of a dear friend's elderly ugly daughter."

"Who could very well pass for forty three in the dusk with the light behind her?"

"I don't know, I haven't met her yet, but I have a feeling I will."

"Have you learned anything that's actually useful?"

"Not as such, but I shall be playing billiards with Lord D this evening, and I hope to wangle an invitation to the Inner Ring then."

"You'd better let him win, then."

"The sacrifices I make for duty."

6.

My dear Elizabeth,

Why on earth haven't I heard from Carolyn? It really is most important that she come here with all possible speed. Teddy Dunsanay had a little chat with Mr King over billiards this evening, and of course I was all ears on Carolyn's behalf. Teddy kept throwing me evil looks and dropping hints that I should leave the two of them alone, but I_insisted_ that there was no other room where the light was good enough for me to do my tapestry work. Wasn't that clever of me?

I must say, these Americans aren't shy about blowing their own financial trumpet. It seems Mr King's father - I confess I am not entirely surprised that it was not Mr King himself - made millions from manufacturing some kind of plastic handle for paper cups. Most enterprising of him, I'm sure, and I daresay these things have their use in the world for people who don't have a proper tea service. Our Mr King seems to feel he lives a little in Daddy's shadow, and is keen to prove he can pull off a business coup of his own, so I'm sure Teddy will be able to interest him in whatever top secret scheme he's come up with this time. Unfortunately I couldn't find out any details because Teddy gave me another of his Looks and said "We can't talk properly here, but a few chaps are coming to my study for drinks tomorrow evening to discuss a particularly promising enterprise. Why don't you join us?" and after that they talked of nothing but American politics, which was _unspeakably_ dreary. However, I'm sure you needn't worry about Mr King sinking his millions into some scheme that's built on sand - I'll say this for Teddy Dunsanay, he may have the manners of a Frenchman, but he has a wonderful nose for business.

Anyway, dear, do send Carolyn along a.s.a.p. before some other female snatches Mr King up and leaves us all choking in her dust.

Love

Barbara

XXX

7.

"Open Channel D. What news from the front?"

"Very little. One of the horses had colic, and Bennett thinks the feed may be to blame. How did your meeting with Dunsanay go?"

"Disappointing. Lady Sanderson sat in on us the entire time, so he couldn't say much, but I've been invited to some kind of drinks thing tomorrow evening, which I think will be where he gets down to the nitty gritty."

"Good. Oh, there is one thing I've found out. There is a second set of kennels in a copse outside the grounds, full of enormous dogs. I didn't recognise the breed, but whatever they are, they're for hunting something much larger than foxes."

"Hmm. Let's hope Lord D merely has a fondness for venison. Better make sure you're not caught sticking your nose in there."

"Don't worry, I have no intention of going back. They have a way of howling that puts one in mind of the Hound of Baskervilles. What? What did you say?"

"Nothing - hang on, I think there's someone outside the door... No, it seems to be clear. That's odd, I could have sworn I heard something. I'd better sign off. Good night."

8.

So the next thing what happened was we was all down at the barn loading up the hay when Phillips come along and said This is a right look out His Maj has been kicked in the head and there is an ambulance coming. Bert hardacre said Is he hurt and Phillips said There is blood everywhere. Mr Suggs dint say nothing but he dropped the bale what he was holding and he just ran out of there like all his lordships dogs was after him. He was running towards the house and he dint even stop when he come to the gate, he just vaulted over it like it was two foot high. Bert hardacre said He should join the hunt he wouldnt even need a horse and everyone laughed, which i realise was disrispek - not very nice but mr king was a git and anyway he wasn't dead.

9.

My dear Elizabeth,

Has Carolyn already departed for Sotherton Manor? If not, you might as well tell her to unpack her bags. _Such_ a disappointing thing has happened. Mr King was kicked in the head by a horse this morning - it was most careless of Bennett, I can't think how it happened. Apparently he had asked King to examine an injury to the frog when the horse lashed out. The man must have the devil's own luck, because it missed his temple by a fraction of an inch, but of course he bled like a stuck pig - you know what head injuries are like. Luckily Teddy and Bully Drummond happened to be in the stable yard at the time and sent Bennett haring off to fetch an ambulance, while we all clucked around King, who insisted he was all right and very foolishly kept trying to stand up. Teddy wasn't having any of this, of course, and put both his hands on King's shoulders to keep him from getting to his feet. He told me to go back to the house so I should be spared the sight of blood, but of course wild horses couldn't have dragged me away! Bully said he and Bennett would carry Mr King out to the driveway to wait for the ambulance, and at that moment the most _extraordinary_ thing happened. Mr King's groom, a nice little man called Suggs, who was most helpful when Bellatria had a touch of colic, came charging round the corner of the house at about the speed of that man who killed his horse bringing the good news from Ghent to Aix. He skidded to a halt when he saw all of us crowded round the patient and, then he saw King lying in an absolute _pool_ of blood and his face went completely white. He gave Teddy the oddest look, I really didn't know _what_ to make of it, and then just sort of _barged_ his way through, in the rudest manner, and said to King "Are you all right?" Really, I've never seen anything like it; if Stevens behaved like that he'd be sacked on the spot. But instead of tearing a strip off him, King said "I'm fine, I keep telling these guys, I just need to get back to my room."

"Look here, fellow," said Teddy, "We've sent for an ambulance, now push off back to work."

"That won't do any good, Mr King has a morbid fear of hospitals," said Suggs, completely unabashed. "If you put your arm round my shoulders, can you walk?"

"Of course I can, it's just a flesh wound," said King - which I must say rather surprised me, because up till then he hadn't struck me as the kind of man who even knows what a stiff upper lip is. At all events, he managed to hobble off back to the house, leaning rather heavily on Suggs, and leaving the rest of us staring after him in astonishment.

"Well," said Teddy in rather a strange tone, "There's a turn-up for the books."

"At least Lady Chatterly chose a _gardener_," said Bully, and they both laughed in the coarsest manner imaginable. It took me a while to understand what they were driving at, but when I did I must have turned as red as one of Carolyn's prize roses. I can't think why Teddy took it all so lightly. However, I have had_words_ with him about encouraging vice and his role as a moral example to the community and he has promised me that both Mr King and his groom - oh dear, that word has suddenly taken on all sorts of unpleasant connotations - will be gone by the end of the week. I'm so sorry to have got your - and Carolyn's - hopes up in vain, but one really cannot be expected to foresee this sort of thing. What is the world coming to?

Your affectionate friend,

Barbara

10.

"What happened?"

"Isn't it obvious? I got kicked in the head by a horse. I knew there was a reason why I dislike them. Ow! That hurts!"

"Don't be such a baby. Which horse?"

"My horse. The big bay. Bennett said there was something wrong with its hoof that I absolutely had to look at, so I bent over and wham!"

"That doesn't sound like Jupiter, he's normally very sweet-tempered. Where was Bennett standing at the time?"

"Right beside the leg that lashed out. Ouch! You're worse than the horse! Looks like they suspect something, doesn't it? Maybe there really was someone outside my room last night."

"It's probably no more than a suspicion, otherwise they'd have gone for more direct methods. This way it looks as if deniability was important, so they can't have been entirely certain. But I'd be very surprised if your invitation to drinks isn't revoked."

"Then I shall have to resort to breaking and entering. He must have the documentation about the project close by, probably in the safe in his study."

"Need a hand?"

"It's better if I do it on my own. The house is wired up like a Christmas tree at night, they'll be on to you the minute you try to get in."

"All right. This is really just a scrape, you know, though two centimetres to the left and I'd be ordering the wreath. You seem to have had your usual lucky escape. Now keep still while I put in a stitch."

"It's hardly luck to know better than to stand directly behind a horse. One end bites and the other end kicks. You know, you bear a frightening resemblance to Lady Sanderson wielding that needle. Just make sure my head doesn't end up looking like one of her tapestries, okay?"

11.

My dear Elizabeth,

Beautiful and atmospheric though Sotherton Manor is, I must confess that there are times when I find it distinctly _creepy_. At night, when we have all retired to our separate chambers, and the wind moans in the chimney and the ancient wood in the walls groans and creaks, I find it takes a great deal of strength of will _not_ to believe in ghosts. One recalls all those ghoulish stories about the Black Lord Dunsanay, and the Wild Hunt. Of course, it's nothing but foolish fancies. It is the wind I can hear whispering in the curtains, not the Black Lord's men in the corridor, and I daresay it is a cat making those odd little thumps and bumps in the room below me. Or perhaps it's Teddy working late - I am fairly sure that it's his study directly beneath my bedroom. And really, no-one could bear less resemblance to his infamous ancestor than Teddy. It's rather a shame really, because the Black Lord, for all his misdeeds, was an undeniably handsome man, and Teddy would look so much more appealing if he had inherited at least a little of his chin. Though temperamentally I do occasionally think they have something in common. I remember that as a little boy he used to set squirrel traps, and although he claimed he never caught any, Sotherton had the smallest squirrel population of any place I ever saw.

Well, my dear Elizabeth, writing to you has made me feel so much better - it's so important not to let one's imagination get away with one - and so I shall switch off my light and say good night.

Love,

Barbara

XXX

12.

"Hands up, Mr King. In fact, hands on your head. That's right. Now would you care to tell me exactly what you were expecting to find in my safe? Jewels? Oh, I hardly think so, this isn't an Agatha Christie novel. Very well, if you're going to be stubborn about this - Bennett, we shall need that Suggs fellow. I'm sure he'll talk if this one won't, and I have a very entertaining idea for how he can be persuaded."

13.

Just when I was on my way to bed mr bennet pulled me to one side and said Theres going to be a special hunt tomorrow with the Other dogs so you make sure you keep indoors see?

The Other dogs are the ones his lordship keeps in the kennells off the grounds. Their not like the fox hounds their much bigger and black and they scare me the way they growl when anyone comes near. They dont ever bark, the Other dogs. His lordship keeps them for security but theirs a rumour goes round the village sometimes mostly round halloween that he uses them to hunt men. Like the Black Lord what was his ansester and lived 300 years ago. I never saw any of that because when a special hunt was on all of us lads had to stay indoors except for mr bennett and a couple of others what had bin with the family for a long time. But we knew when it was on because you could here the Other dogs howling.

I couldnt sleep that night because I always feel bad when theres a special hunt coming. I laid in my bed and tried not to think about the Other dogs and some time after midnight, I think it was around 2am, I heard a knock on one of the doors and then a voice said Suggs? You gotta come quick Jupiters Moons got colic and hes rolling around and biting hisself. It was mr bennet. So Mr suggs opens his door and goes off and because I couldnt sleep I looked out the window and in the moonlight I saw phillips down in the yard sort of huddled up against the wall. I was just wondring what he was doing when Mr Suggs comes out and phillips tries to wack him over the head with an iren bar or something, i couldnt see what exactly. Mr suggs ducks like he was expecting it and then punches phillips on the jaw it was a beuatyf - buetyf - great punch and phillips went down just like that. Only mr Bennet comes out the door and says Hands up suggs I got a gun. So Mr suggs he puts his hands up in the air and Mr bennet says You work for your uncle and Mr Suggs says I dont know what your on about and Mr bennet says You will once youve taken part in the hunt, and then he pokes him in the back with his gun and they go off to the house. phillips went after them holding his jaw and complaining the hole way which dint suprise me much because phillips is all mouth and no trousers.

I dint know what to do because i could of gone to the police but they woulnt believe me, so I thought maybe I should tell mr King though I dint know what he could do because he was such a twit, so in the end i just waited to see what would happen. I couldnt sleep at all so I went and hid in the hay loft above the stable where the hunt would meet the next day and just as it was getting light I heard noises so i looked out. It was Lord dunsany and Mr Drummond and Mr bennet and they had 2 men at gun point whcih was mr Suggs and Mr King, so it was a good thing i hadnt tried to tell Mr king. His Lordship says What a splendid morning I do enjoy our special hunts. Now then mr king or whatever your name is w'ell give you half an hours headstart and then we'll let the dogs loose. And well make sure your freind suggs is in at the kill por encourajer lez ohtra. im sure h'ell be more than willing to tell us what we want to know after that. Then he untide Mr king and said Run. Mr King just stood there so Mr Drummond fired his gun at his feet twice and then he ran off out the yard towards the fields.

After that the other lads who help with the special hunt started to turn up and get the horses ready, they put Mr suggs on Jupiters Moon, only they tied his hands behind his back and they tied his feet to the stirrups. They only put a headcollar on Jupiters Moon and Mr bennet held the rope like it was a leading rein. Phillips had the Other dogs milling around in a pen and howling but he dint want to let them out till the hunt was ready, i think maybe he was frightened of getting eaten hisself. When the other hunters turned up they dint seem suprised to see a prisoner so i reckon they were in on it. The Other dogs was getting really excited and prowling up and down and then suddenly one of them jumped over the pen. There was lots of shouting and his Lordship screamed Get that animal under control phillips and then all of a sudden Jupiters Moon reared up and pulled the rope out of Mr Bennets hand. I dont know what Mr Suggs done to him but he gallopped off like hed been stung or something and the dog wnet after him. There was even more shouting and yelling and Mr Bennet jumped on Blood Diamond what is his Lordships brood mare and took off after Suggs, and his Lordship says It seems we shall get an even better run for our money gentlemen, and then at last the rest of the hunt was mounted and they all cantered off out the yard.

14.

After the first shock of the kick that had made him tear loose from Bennett's grasp, Jupiter's Moon whickered with enthusiasm and cantered happily towards the fields. When Illya squeezed with his calves, the horse gave a playful little buck, then put his head down and began to gallop in earnest, eating up the ground as if he was auditioning for a starring role in the Ballad of East and West. The gate at the end of the track loomed up, Illya pushed his weight down into the saddle, and Jupiter obediently slowed to a canter, collected himself, and then soared over the gate as if only a cruel fate had deprived him of the wings he was meant to to be born with. Illya dug in his heels and the horse shot forward.

The speed was exhilarating and Illya felt the old glee exploding through him, the sheer delight in danger and immediate physical action that nothing else could ever quite equal. All of life's complications fell away, and there was nothing but the adrenaline sparkling along every nerve, and the thrill of a challenge that demanded the attention of every brain cell he possessed. They went across the first field like a rocket, slowing only to clear the hedge at the end, but halfway across the second Illya heard a crack and a bullet flew past his ear, closely followed by another. _He has fired once, he has fired twice, but the whistling ball went wide,_ chanted his mind gleefully. Keeping Jupiter straight with his calves, he twisted round in the saddle as best he could and saw a single horse galloping after him. Blood Diamond, judging by the colour.

Illya couldn't resist it. "Ye shoot like a Thrush goon!" he shouted at the top of his lungs, "Now show if ye can ride!" and at his urging Jupiter sprang forward as if he had a turbo engine concealed in his hindquarters. In spite of the speed, Illya had no sense that he was losing control. Whatever Mr Waverly had paid for Jupiter's Moon, he was worth every penny.

His mind was racing as fast as the horse. Napoleon, he was sure, would have headed for the woods and then, given that there was no chance of evading a pack of fox hounds, would probably swing back towards the house to take his chances where he was least expected. Crouching low over Jupiter's neck, Illya raced the horse towards the woods, aiming for the stile that he knew lurked there in the shelter of a great elm. Once again, Jupiter's Moon flew over the obstacle as if it barely existed, but Blood Diamond, more highly strung, dug in her hoofs at the last second. Glancing back, Illya saw Bennett wrenching her round as she danced away from the fence - with any luck, that would gain him a few minutes.

He knew he must be on the right track because the dog had overtaken him now, its nose pressed to the trail like a scientist peering down a microscope slide. It worked in grim silence, never barking, but once it paused to fling back its head and howl horribly. Illya hoped they would outpace it then, but the horse was at a disadvantage in the woods. The path was overgrown and twice he was nearly knocked off by tree branches pressing in from either side, but Jupiter's Moon never faltered through all the twists and turns, and at last they galloped out of the woods almost as fast as they had gone in. Illya could see the manor house in the distance, the twisted Tudor chimneys poking through the treetops, and not far ahead of him, heading precisely that way, a small figure running.

15.

I dint know what to do then when all them dogs set off after mr King because they would tear him to peices when they caught him. But then i had a brillaint idea. I ran down to the kennells and unlocked the pens so as to let the hounds out. While I was trying to open the gate, which aint easy seeing as it is a bit stiff, Bert hardarcre come up and says What are you playing at Fred, there is a special hunt on and if you let the hounds out now the Other dogs will rip them to peices. And I says I know there is a special hunt on and it is Mr King what they are chasing. And bert says Your kidding and I says No theyre hunting him and theyll kill him if I cant get the dogs off. So Bert opens the gate for me and we watched the dogs go pouring off over the fields after the hunt, baying their heads off the way proper dogs do. I felt sorry for them but there are a lot more of them than there are of the Other dogs so I thought maybe they did stand a chance. And then bert says Come on Fred weve got to get the other lads together and get up to the house, his lordship will be after our blood when he finds out what we done, Im going to get the guns out of the shooting room. So thats what we did.

16.

The dog had seen the figure, too. It lifted its head and paused for a moment, then took off at a speed that made its previous pace look like an afternoon stroll. Illya knew there was no way he could catch up with it, even if there had been anything he could do once he got there. In the absence of any inspirational plan, he stood up in the stirrups and bellowed as loudly as he could "Napoleon!" The figure ahead of him kept on running. The black shape that was the dog had closed more than half the distance now, streaking across the field like a greyhound after a hare. Illya knew only too well what a dog like that could do to a human being, especially with the advantage of a surprise attack from behind. He drummed his heels against Jupiter's sides, trying to get the last ounce of energy out of the horse, and yelled again "Napoleon!"

Napoleon must have heard him, or at least heard something, for at the last minute he turned and saw the dog. Illya suspected he would have given way to panic himself, but Napoleon didn't hesitate. He cast around the ground for a moment, then picked something up and lifted his hand behind his head, as if about to throw a ball. And then he waited. Waited until he must have been looking straight into the jaws of the approaching dog, before releasing his missile with a snap of his wrist. It was an extremely tricky shot, given the speed of the beast, but Illya had seen Napoleon play darts and had no doubt that he would hit the target smack on. Sure enough, in mid-leap the dog crumpled to the ground.

Illya cantered up and brought the horse to a sweating standstill. Napoleon looked up at him with momentary astonishment and then swung up behind him.

"The rest of the hunt is close behind," said Illya, "We'll never outpace them with this extra weight."

"There's someone coming now," said Napoleon, "Can you steer this thing round so we come back alongside him?"

"Sure."

The look on Bennett's face as his quarry, instead of fleeing, turned and raced straight towards him, was one of those moments that made it all worthwhile. As the two horses passed, Napoleon flung himself onto Bennett and the two men crashed to the ground, knocking the groom unconscious. Napoleon scrambled to his feet, grabbed the reins of the horse, hopped into the saddle and started fiddling with the reins.

"That's Blood Diamond," said Illya, "Just try to hang on, she's very -"

He broke off as the mare arched her neck, hollowed her back and took two steps forward, before breaking into a perfect collected canter. "- tricky to ride," he finished, suddenly aware that his jaw was flapping open. As Napoleon bent forwards, Blood Diamond extended her stride, then made a perfect transition into gallop that left Illya no choice but to urge Jupiter's Moon on in her wake.

17.

My dear Elizabeth,

Such excitement, you cannot think! I was on the terrace this morning having breakfast when - well, you simply will not believe what happened, although it was quite unimpressive compared to subsequent events. Two horses suddenly came tearing across the lawn and clattered up the stairs to the terrace - really, truly right up the stairs. They came to a halt right by my breakfast table, and that's when I realised one of the riders was Mr King, although I hadn't recognised him at first. It's remarkable what a difference removing a foolish grin from a man's face can make to his looks.

"If you have a bread knife there, Lady Sanderson," he said, leaping down from the saddle in the most dashing fashion, "Could I trouble you to cut my friend loose? I have a matter of some urgency to attend to," and he ran through the french windows into the house.

That was when I noticed that the second rider, who was Mr Suggs, had his feet tied to the stirrups and his hands were tied up as well. How he managed to steer that horse up the steps using just his knees I do not know, but I set about him with the bread knife - it was harder than you might think - and once I'd got him free he grabbed the horses' reins and led them off round the back of the house without a word of thanks or explanation. For my part, I set off after Mr King. Given those noises I'd heard last night, I was fairly certain of where I would find him, and sure enough when I opened the door to Teddy's study, there he was standing on the desk, fiddling with the safe.

"So you're a thief!" I exclaimed, and he swung round and looked at me and said "Not exactly. Now get out!" Then he jumped off the desk and pulled me out into the corridor. At which point there was the most enormous bang, just like a doodlebug exploding, and my heart nearly leapt out of my mouth. When we poked our heads round the door, though, there hadn't been any damage done to the room, just to the safe, whose door was swinging wide open.

"I'm from the U.N.C.L.E.," said Mr King, thrusting some kind of ID card into my hands and scooting over to the safe. Have you heard of the U.N.C.L.E., Elizabeth, dear? Apparently they're some kind of espionage organisation, like MI5, but international, and very definitely on the side of the angels. And Mr King is one of their agents and was sent to investigate Teddy Dunsanay, who apparently has been Up To No Good. The real Mr King is very charming indeed, and not at all dim, and it seems I did an injustice in casting aspersions on him and Mr Suggs (who it turns out is also a spy, if a much less charming one) but I advise very strongly against sending Carolyn to meet him, because he has confided in me that in real life he doesn't have two pennies to rub together - apparently the espionage business pays very poorly, and he and Mr Suggs are in it because they believe in the cause and not for personal gain. Which is all very noble, but not, I fear, quite what one wants for Carolyn, though I have to concede that in all other respects the real Mr King is _exactly_ her type.

Your affectionate friend,

Barbara

18.

While bert was handing out the guns Mr Suggs come into the yard leading Jupiters moon and Blood diamond. Somehow he had managed to free hisself and get rid of mr bennet. When he saw us with the guns he said What are you up to so we explaned to him about the dogs and he said how that was good thinking and it meant the hunt would be coming back soon so now was our chance. Bert said Its just like the russian Revolution, the oppressed working class stable hands is gonna rise up and shoot all the nobs. Exactly said Mr Suggs Only i hope we wont have to kill anyone I shouldnt like to have to explane that to my boss. What, mr king said bert and mr suggs said No my other boss. What i realise now is Mr Waverly and I shouldnt like to have to explane killing lots of people to Mr waverly either. Anyhow mr Suggs told us to get the net from the hay barn and tie heavy things round the edge and then we went and hid in the hayloft and when the hunt come back into the stable yard we threw the net down onto them and that was that. Mr King come out of the house and said A bird in the net is worth 2 in the bush, Im looking forward to hearing you sing, Dunsanay. Then he told everyone well done and was really freindly and not at all a git so I think maybe I misjudged him earlier. And that is that really. I dont know if you want to know about what happened afterwards when lady Sandersons freind showed up with her daughter who is a real looker and dont hardly squint at all. Mr King said that dint have to go into the report and he give me ten quid as a jester of freindship.

19.

"There is one thing that's puzzling me about this mission, Napoleon. I thought you said you couldn't ride?"

"I didn't say I couldn't ride, I just said I didn't like it. As a matter of fact, my Aunt Amy was a ferociously keen horsewoman, and wouldn't tolerate conscientious objectors in the family. I even won a cup once, in the Hampton Horse Show."

"I see. And this cup, would it have been for dressage by any chance?"

"Dressage?"

"Yes, you know. White gloves, top hat..."

"... tailcoat. Well, actually, yes, it would."

"So fancy dress?"

"If you care to put it that way, yes."

"I see."

"I'm sure you do."

"At least a burnous is practical."

"Extremely."

"And white reflects the heat."

"Very effectively."

"Whereas a top hat ..."

"Yes, I take your point."

"I'm glad we're agreed on that."

"Absolutely. No need to raise the subject again, as far as I can see."


End file.
